Why Children In Worship?

At my church, we choose to encourage parents to keep their children in the worship service with them. Our rationale for this speaks to a more general principle at work in churches today -- that is, a church's programming reveals what it believes about discipleship and the family. Specifically, my church believes that the most basic building block of Christ’s church is the family and that family worship is the key to discipling families. At the core of this belief is Deuteronomy 6.

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:7-9 ESV)

We believe that the instructions given in Deuteronomy 6 describe the manner in which spiritual training in the life of the family is to take place. It should occur "when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise". This is describing what families ought to do every day of the week. It describes a discipleship model that is life-based, not Sunday-based.; family-integrated, not age-segregated. It describes a family that learns about God and worships Him on a daily basis. Ultimately, it describes God's plan for extending His kingdom throughout the earth. Christ's church lives on through the generations as God's people who faithfully prepare their children to know and love the Lord. Based on Deuteronomy 6, the day-to-day family worship is key for this to happen.

By encouraging the parents to keep their children with them during the whole worship service, our church is structuring the Sunday morning experience to reflect and complement a family-integrated worship experience during the week. It reinforces and strengthens in the minds of the families the concepts in Deuteronomy 6 which describe family worship as the normative way for spiritual growth and discipleship. It is especially impacting for the children as they see their parents worship in song, prayer, and teaching from an elder. Also, in my church, the children hear the fathers read Scripture each week, reinforcing a father's duty as prophet to his family, proclaiming God's word to those in his care. Children further experience the covering of their father's prayers as he demonstrates the role of priest for his family bringing them to the altar of God to experience His presence through prayer and supplication. And not only with their own parents, but the children also witness their friends' families doing the same thing. What if a family doesn't know where to begin with family worship? No problem. The elders of the chruch can help as well as other families who have been doing it for a while. After all, it is the job of the Sunday meetings to equip the saints or the work of ministry, for the building up of the body of Christ.

Is it difficult to worship with young children? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes -- for both the parents AND the children. Some people say that their children don't really get anything out of adult worship. However, children get something out of everything. In addition to the benefits listed previously, Scott Brown, one of the leaders of the National Center for Family Integrated Churches, writes:

There is great value for a very young child experiencing the deep and authentic worship of the church. Something is being transferred as they watch their fathers give of the family resources during the offering. As they grow up, their understanding will increase. Something is being transferred as they watch the adults “worship in spirit and in truth” (John 4:23). They don’t get everything, but they can get something from observing the fervency and genuineness of the church’s expression of love for God, dependence upon Him, and joy in Him. This is the value of having children in church. Children progressively understand what a parent and the wider church members love and appreciate. Year after year, their understanding builds. Year after year, the well is filling up. The cumulative effect of deep and significant thinking and activities is what we are looking for.

I couldn't say it any better. In conclusion, keeping children together with their parents in worship is beneficial for families by emphasizing and reinforcing the instructions of Scripture that they worship at home in their day-to-day lives. It is beneficial for the children by growing them and stretching their minds and hearts. And by extension, it is beneficial for the church. If the families in a church are healthy, then the church itself is healthy.

My Help Meet

During the time when our baby was in the breech position, my wife and I were discussing the options for doing a breech birth. We considered all sorts of complications, and we often came to the hypothetical situation of what to do if it came down to choosing a course of action where we could save our baby's life or my wife's life. We talked about this situation with the doctors we saw and with some of our friends. It was always interesting to hear what people's opinions were on the topic. Ultimately, God is sovereign over what happens or not, but I think it is very instructive to think about the principles at work in these types of conundrums.

First of all, I believe that since the situation involves the life and death of my wife, that it needs to be properly framed by reviewing what the Bible has to say regarding my wife's created purpose and her identity in God's eyes. We see in Genesis 2 the origin of the woman's role:

2:20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”

Particularly in verse 20, Adam learns that there is no helper fit or suitable for him, and this realization leads to the woman's creation to fill that purpose. Great significance in the woman's being a helper suitable created for her husband is taken from this passage. Look at what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11 in reference back to this created order:

11:3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

Paul also directly speaks to the woman's role in Ephesians 5:

5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Based on a quick look at a few passages describing the manner in which God brought women into existence as well as God's characterization of the husband-wife relationship, it is clear that there is an authority structure in the family, and that the husband is at the head. The passages I have cited are not the only ones which touch on this structure, but they represent a good sampling of what is usually referenced on the topic. There are more detailed explanations out there, but I will leave that to an exercise for the reader. :) Also, at this point it is always good to remind everyone that the family government is not designed to be a place for any man to exercise unbridled, selfish, domination over his wife. There are plenty of resources (including the rest of Ephesians 5) which can help a man understand the way in which he is to lead his family. Again, I leave that as an exercise for the reader. For the purpose of this discussion, I am assuming that the authority exercised is done so with all humility and proper biblical restraints in place.

Therefore, the way in which a family operates is not an egalitarian, 50-50, two-chefs-in-the-kitchen democracy. There are distinctions in the roles for men and women, and one facet of those distinctions relates to authority. This, I believe, should be included when forming the context for all family discussions, particularly when such weighty decisions about life and death are involved.

So as my wife and I processed the implications of whether we would choose the child's life or her life (if forced to choose only one), we asked ourselves, what has God called my wife to be? What is her identity in the light of the biblical descriptions of her role?

We remembered that she is first identified as a child of God. Second, she is identified as a helper suitable for me. And third, she is identified as a mother to three children (at the time). Those identities are not equal in and of themselves. The order in which they are listed is also the order of precedence and priority. Her first love is to her God, then to me as her husband, and finally to her children.

In situations like this life or death circumstance, the decision extends beyond her own personal priorities though. As her husband, I am her head, and I will be held responsible for how I lead my wife through decisions such as this. Therefore, I believe that the life and death decision ultimately lies with me because I will ultimately be held responsible by God for what happens. Now please don't take this line of thought farther than I intend. The way in which these "final say" types of decisions are made in a biblical marriage is again something that is covered in other places. Trust me that my authority in decisions like this is not mutually exclusive with my wife's decisive influence. However, what I am saying is that I as the husband must be a foundational and final part of the decision, and this seems to be somewhat counter-cultural.

For our family, I would choose saving my wife because I believe that choice would protect the foundation of my family to the greatest extent. The husband-wife relationship is the core of the family, and the family operates best when its core is healthy. Our three other children need their mommy and daddy to have a strong, healthy marriage. If my wife is no longer with us, the very core of the family is damaged. Everything about family life will be changed and numerous challenges will arise. However, if the fourth child doesn't survive, the family is still intact in the sense that all of the necessary roles remain as they were prior to the incident.

I don't believe the issue here is to avoid a difficult family life. To me, the issue is being a good leader and steward of the family God has blessed me to lead. I completely submit to God's sovereign providence in life's events, but we must remember that this whole discussion was framed in a way which is intended to discuss what principles are at work when we, the created beings, make choices according to the principles as laid out in the Creator's revelation in the Bible. Obviously, the Creator can override the creature's will to suit His good pleasure.

To me, one of the most instructive aspects of this discussion is the way in which it really explores the most basic features of the husband-wife relationship in a manner which rarely happens in our culture.

So there you have it. I, as the husband, am responsible for the decision in this conundrum. And in my case, I choose my wife. After all, she was made to be especially suitable for me. :)